Lame Joke

The law suit seems pretty far fetched. Can you sue someone for bad journalism?

DrSkimeister wrote

Did I hear correctly that Asiana Airlines is suing KVTV for that?

Someone on YouTube posted up - "you think that is funny?  Wait till the Korean lawyer Me Su Yu drops the lawsuit!"

OK - I just read this on another forum but thought it worked well here:

A huge bear is squatting and doing his business, where bears do their business of course. A squirrel wanting to emulate the huge bear runs up next to him and squats along side.

The bear gives a loud guttural grunt/roar. The squirrels strains and produces his deepest squeak.

After a couple back and forths, the bear looks down at the squirrel and says "Hey squirrel, you ever have any trouble with $h!t getting stuck on your fur." The squirrel, wanting to impress the bear, replies in his most confident voice "no, never".

The squirrel was feeling pretty good about himself now that the huge bear had consulted with him.

The bear pondered his answer for a moment and said "good". Then he grabs the squirrel and wipes his crack a few good strokes and drops the squirrel in the smoldering pile of dung.

I pointed to two old drunks sitting across the bar from us
and told my friend "That will be us in 10 more years".

He said "That's a mirror, you idiot".

A man walks into the local ice cream parlor and tells the attendant he wants a gallon of vanilla, a gallon of strawberry and a gallon of chocolate ice cream.

"Sorry" says the attendant, "we're all out of chocolate ice cream."

"In that case" says the man, "I'll have a pint of vanilla, a pint of strawberry and a pint of chocolate."

"I told you we don't have any chocolate ice cream, buddy" says the attendant, becoming slightly annoyed.

"OK, in that case" says the man, "I'll have a scoop of vanilla, a scoop of strawberry and a scoop of chocolate."

"Look, mister, what does the V-A-N in vanilla spell?"

"Van" he replies, "But what does that have to do with ice cream?"

"Never mind, what does the S-T-R-A-W in strawberry spell?"

"Straw" he answers, "But I still don't understand what this has got to do with my getting the ice cream I want?"

"What does the F-U-C-K in chocolate spell?" asks the attendant.

"Wait a minute" says the man, "there's no fuck in chocolate!"

"That's what I've been trying to tell you, dick brain, now get out of my store."

Why do French Canadians do it doggie style?

So they can both watch the hockey game.

"Two Chips" / An Animated Short from Adam Patch on Vimeo.

Actually, I think this is a great joke.

What's the four worst things about being an egg????

1) It takes 10 minutes to get hard.

2) You only get laid once.

3) You only get eaten once.

4) ...and, you come in a box with 11 others.

TD

One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa."

The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.

The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma."

The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack.

Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy."

Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, "Thank God you're here -- we could really use your help! We found the milkman dead on our porch this morning!"

Little Johnny is playing in the backyard peeking under a girls dress. His mother catches him and tells him to stop. Johnny asks, "Why?" His mother tells him that girls have a thing under their dress with teeth on it. Johnny says, " O.K. I won't look anymore!"

He goes into adult life without looking under anymore dresses. He has dated a girl for quite some time and she wants to have an intimate relationship. Johnny says, "No way my momma told me that you girls have a thing under your dress with teeth on it."

She says, "Johnny that's not true", she lifts her dress, and says, " see!"

Johnny says, "well no wonder.... look at the shape your gums are in!"

Two graduate Engineering students were walking across campus when they happened upon a friend, who was proudly riding a tricked out full suspension MTB.  After lots of tech talk and unabashed drooling, the matter of where the pricey bike came from was finally brought up.

"you guys will never believe this.... You know the hottie redhead who works at the pub?  Well the other day she rode this bike up to me...And then she jumped off of it....and tore off her clothes!   You know what she said...? "you can have anything you want!"

The two engineers smiled and nodded in approval.  

"Smart choice" said the one.
"Yup" said the other. "Her clothes would have never fit you."

TD, What's the punchline?

Well......ahhhhhh...

'K, ya got me Tbatt...

I'm baffled by that one too....



TD

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What is the best thing about living in Switzerland?

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I don't know either but their flag is big plus!

Sick Bird Rider wrote

What is the best thing about living in Switzerland?

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I don't know either but their flag is big plus!

 

My MOM lurks this forum and asked me about this thread at dinner a few weeks ago.

DackerDan wrote

This is a simple biologically based PDQ where the solution to the equation is very simple, the engineering grad student who took the bike was a women, the hottie from the bar was gay.

.......talk about being over ANAL-lytical......

(sorry DackerD.)

TD

Harvey wrote

 

My MOM lurks this forum and asked me about this thread at dinner a few weeks ago.

Look on the bright side - if this thread is the worst thing she sees on the Internet, she's doing pretty well. Next time she asks you can tell you read this seasonal favourite in the "Lame Joke Thread" - note some theatrics required:

What did one snowman say to the other?
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(insert sniffing action here)
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Hey, do you smell carrots?

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