Lame Joke

A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.

He marched straight up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know...., I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."

The social worker behind the counter said, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a Chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his 2013 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes.

"Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas trips. This is
rather awkward to say but you will also have as part of your job assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive."

The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, "You're bullshittin' me!"

The social worker said, "Yeah, well ... You started it."

LOLLOLOLOL

Thanks I needed a lame joke for my brother at work tomorrow. I liked it thou.

.  Yo doc THAT one WILL be used in good time my man , in good time !

A guy walks into a bar in rural New York state and orders a Long Island Iced Tea.

The bartender looks at the guy and says, "Y'all aint from round here, are yah?"

"No", replies our hero, "I'm from New Jersey."

"Well, Whut cha do in New Jersey?"

"I'm a taxidermist."

"Whut in the world is a tax-ee-dur-missed?"

"I mount animals."

The bartender extends his hand and hollers at the whole bar, "It's all right, boys, he's one of us."

 now that's funny!!!

At a wedding party recently someone yelled, "All the married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living."















The bartender was crushed to death.

I need to forward these to my dad.

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same
neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.
At the second house...fine cigars.
The third house handed him fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by
the hand and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the best sex he had ever experienced.
Then she made him breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and coffee.
As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.
"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something
special for you. I asked him what to give you."
He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar."
The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."

I really need to drink a few beers with you

Damn u Doc ;).  I blew coffee out my nose holes when i read that one. Bwahaaaaaaaaha

My wife and I decided to have a costume party at the house. To make it a bit different, we’d ask everyone to come dressed up as an emotion.
The night of the party, the door bell rings, the first guest has arrived. I open the door to find a guy standing there snickering  in a lime colored body sock with an olive colored mask on. After a minute I say, “I get it, you’re green with envy”.
Next at the door is a cute woman that’s standing there giggling in a frilly, pale red colored dress. “That’s easy, you’re tickled pink”
A few minutes later, someone is pounding on the door. I open it to see a huge dark skinned guy that’s naked with an immense erection and a Boston Cream Pie stuck on the end of his Johnson.
I was stumped.
“I give up…what are you?”
“I’m fuckin’ dis’ custard.”

I'm calling you out. Why dark skinned?

Cause it was a lame joke, duh!!

BRLKED wrote

I'm calling you out. Why dark skinned?

Wasn't my intention to offend.

From when I first heard this joke oh-so-many years ago, it was told as such. The reference to that character's skin tone plays a role in both depicting the size of said Johnson and for the intended voice inflection as one tries to hear "dis' custard".

Somehow, the joke just doesn't work if "middle aged guy from NJ with a beer belly and a pinky dick" is instead used.

This was better than the joke.  HA

DrSkimeister wrote

A few minutes later, someone is pounding on the door. I open it to see a huge dark skinned guy that’s naked with an immense erection and a Boston Cream Pie stuck on the end of his Johnson.
I was stumped.
“I give up…what are you?”
“I’m fuckin’ dis’ custard.”

The first time I heard this joke, I heard it as he had a bear on the end of his johnson.

"I'm deep in dis' bear."

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the
boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential
downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather
would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back;
now with a different anticipation,
and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 20 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

anyone catch KVTV's broadcast of asiana flight???

Captain Sum Ting Wong, Wi To Lu, Ho Le Fuk....   WoW!  

ScottyJack wrote

anyone catch KVTV's broadcast of asiana flight???

Captain Sum Ting Wong, Wi To Lu, Ho Le Fuk....   WoW!

Did I hear correctly that Asiana Airlines is suing KVTV for that?