A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.
He marched straight up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know...., I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."
The social worker behind the counter said, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a Chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his 2013 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes.
"Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas trips. This is
rather awkward to say but you will also have as part of your job assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive."
The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, "You're bullshittin' me!"
The social worker said, "Yeah, well ... You started it."
It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same
neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.
At the second house...fine cigars.
The third house handed him fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by
the hand and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the best sex he had ever experienced.
Then she made him breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and coffee.
As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.
"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something
special for you. I asked him what to give you."
He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar."
The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."