Midlife Crisis and Being a Skier

Mountain Journal published online this three part article about mountain town living and becoming a middle aged man. It resonates a lot for me and my experiences with trying to reinvent myself and let go of things that I used to define myself as. I've struggled with it over the years and have been lost at times in the bottle or other risky behaviors....I do enjoy some risk but I'm starting to come out on the other side of it all and starting to really enjoy this new part of my life. It's a much more comfortable and relaxed place and I can finally focus on some other things.

So I know that my story is a lot different than most of you guys on here but I'm curious how the transition into becoming middle aged had affected you? If you can relate it to sport and other youthful pursuits that's great but it can be about anything really.

Here's that series of three articles in case you're interested. I can relate big time to this story and so can a lot of my old riding buds I'm sure.

http://mountainjournal.org/when-peter-pan-reaches-middle-age

http://mountainjournal.org/mountain-town-midlife-crisis

http://mountainjournal.org/the-midlife-crisis-trilogy

I can certainly relate, RA. I was never really on this path but I knew guys that were. I only skibummed two seasons and never tried to stick around long term. I guess I’m probably lucky I wasn’t a talented enough skier to think I could do something with it. Also, I think we’re about the same age so I certainly understand the mid-life aspect of it as well.

I never skied until mid-life so I have a different kind of crisis. I'm 59 (on Monday!) and I am in deep with this job of mine and family responsibilities.... how many more powder days will I get? Will I ever really be an effortless expert?

I kind of felt that maybe I've peaked, this is as good as I get. Last week at Gore when the upper mountain was shut down for wind (windchill) my buddy Zach took me through a passage he maintains. We had to huck a cliff (ok maybe it was a big rock) in a really tight spot. It was worth it when we got through.

Zach told me that he's been watching me this year, I've upped my game and he thought I was ready for that huck and the line below. #pumped

Someday I'm sure I'll be bummed I'm old, but that day ain't here yet.

Great articles, RA. Thanks for sharing those ---- I can relate with Walt, not so much with being a bad-ass skier type but more along the lines of change.

This paragraph right here is what I went through. It's balls hard to accomplish, I'm not sure I have, but it's something I work on every single day.


"Men know how to fix things, a binding that comes loose, a chain wrapped around the gears, a sprained ankle in the backcountry. In mental health, however, there is nothing to “fix” within ourselves, only a change of attitude about what the perceived problem is.  It isn’t as simple as a prescription you take for a couple of weeks and a quick return to “normal”, because the old “normal” is what led to the need for therapy."

I was a big time "fixer", nothing I couldn't fix. If there was a problem I was your guy to "fix" it. Not sure how I got there but I did. I learned I needed to work less on fixing things and work harder on letting things be the way they are. In other words, mindfulness. Mindfulness is something I work on, as well as something I enjoy. It still feels wrong but that's how I know it's right.

Anyway, Midlife Crisis???? I bought a new sled. BRAAAAP

Good quote Camp. That’s definitely explaining the changing of gears and outlook that comes with age for a lot of us. I think this thread was in part inspired by Sno’s posts in the WF conditions thread and how I can see his feelings compared to my own 20 years ago. I was into different things for sure but that need to control life or the world around me was very similar. For me a big turning point was being caught in a slide in 2006 in Telluride but it still took several more years for it to really set in.

My sled was going back to school and growing long hair!

You Rebel!!

I really think you are going to enjoy being a nurse.

Thanks bud, I sure hope so. I’m filling out an application for a program right now and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared.

Thanks for the excellent articles.

This makes getting older so much sweeter. This was Cody’s first time trying to make a Hollywood turn for the camera. She’s only ten years old, I started skiing at ten!

Sweet shot.

Hollywood turn? Is that making the snow fly so that 2 inches looks like a foot?

How do you do it? Like a half hockey stop?

It’s spring conditions Harv and her speed was not faked! The kid is starting to go for it now.

Cool shot RA

I've completely enjoyed watching my buddy's little shithead kids grow up to be rippers. It's so fun to watch them get balls.

I guess I have some questions, from a life of trying to keep a foot in both worlds before a preplanned midlife crisis:

Who is to say which life is better? The author/psychologist seems to accept as fact that a family life & a "good" job are preferable to being a ski patroller or park ranger or landscaper or whatever, but is that always the case?

Yeah, the guy could make better decisions (get health insurance, don't drink and drive, don't neglect the people in your life that you love), but you could work as a ski patroller and still make those better decisions.

I agree with the party about creativity & purpose, I guess, but acting as if "fun" jobs are dead ends, and therefore "real" jobs are the answer seems wrong to me.

Another question: What's to stop this guy from taking the opposite look at his life? Reaching 55 years old and looking back on a life of outdoor adventure seems like a life well lived to me. Sure, his body aches and he has crises of confidence and doubts about his chosen path, but people who worked 30 year careers in offices as civil engineer or soil scientists (paths he could have chosen) have aches and pains too. They have doubts about their paths, too. They might not treat their wives well, either. They might get pulled over drunk driving and have to take loans from their parents, too.

If it's possible that the same shit might have happened if he chose a different path as a younger man, why berate the guy as a "Peter Pan" instead of saying: this guy made different choices than me, and I respect his hustle?

There are plenty of ways to live a life. I try to game out all of them (What if I quit my job, buy a sailboat, and bum around the Caribbean for a year? What if I just load my bike up with camping supplies next summer and start riding west? What if I buy that lot in Victor, Idaho and try to find a job in Jackson, Wyoming?).

I think the error in this article is that it assumes that there is a "right" way to do things and a "wrong" way. Plenty of people get paid in cash and live fine lives. Plenty of people live in Bozeman without health insurance and are lucky enough to not need it, thereby saving themselves thousands of dollars that could be used for more adventures. Plenty of people rent a room in a house with other ski bum dudes who are always up for an adventure or a rowdy night out.

Would I do those things? No. I like to get a paycheck that goes into my bank account. I would be constantly fearful of injury without health insurance (and that's no way to live), and I don't like living with a bunch of Bros (I'm messy enough as it is). But that doesn't mean I'm "right" and people who do it the other way are "wrong". It means that people do their own thing.

And, the good thing about life is that, if we don't like the thing we're doing, there is always time to change it. That's hopefully, the lesson that people get from the series, and it seems like RA is taking steps to change his situation into something that works better for him.

Finally, I will say that the ability to change does become more limited as one gets older. It would probably be hard to find a job in soil science for this guy with a 30 year old degree and no experience in the field. Similarly, it might be harder to change a mental state, ingrained over many years. But I think that, to choose a phrase that such a character would relate to, if you are willing to outwork and outgrind other people, then you can accomplish a lot in this country.*

*But the reason that I'm engineering a midlife crisis is that I'm not sure how willing I'm going to be to put in the necessary work and grind when I get older. I'd like to relax at some point.

MC2 5678F589 wrote

*But the reason that I'm engineering a midlife crisis is that I'm not sure how willing I'm going to be to put in the necessary work and grind when I get older. I'd like to relax at some point.

Confession, I didn't read the articles. If I am going to read one, which one?

I agree with much of what MC is saying, especially that no decision is right or wrong, it's whether it's right or wrong for you.  It's sounds like a cliche but IMO it's true.

The whole thing is a trade-off or gamble on the future.  Let's face it, if I have insider info that I will die in April, I'm quiting my job and going skiing. If I knew I was going to live another 40 years I'm working for 6 more years.  The calculus is more complicated when you have people you love who are counting on you.  The consequences of coming up short are more significant.

Not having a family is often financially easier, but we all do many things (like ski!) that aren't driven by money.  I always considered 65 the time to pull the plug.  "They" have kind of moved the bar pushing 67 as retirement age, but I've drawn my line in the sand.  If I busted my bust for 45 years and I come up short, it is what it is. I did my best. I want to wake up every morning and ski or walk on our land in the mountains, and live in a house designed by Zelda and I.

Chacun a son gout as the French say : to each his own . Choices have consequences . Success is the ability to adapt and deal with those consequences . . know your risk tolerances in LIFE not just in financial planning . At 20 we think we are immortal , but those decades add up fast .

If you determine to go in a certain direction and have a PLAN  go for it , but that plan best have contingencies and a plan B . We all follow our own drumbeat, but wise folk have a backup plan that is time limited  . So say after 5 years if it aint happening' for ya , invoke your plan B before its simply delimited by inexperience or educational pedigree.Time also adds baggage some good like kids , others well maybe lets just say they are memories

Hey props to anyone who tried something different and then made a mid life change , ya gotta remember Life is what happens to ya when your busy planning it .  .

 Mc you do have a plan and for it seems to be working . You have the discipline to achieve that goal of retiring young enough and in shape enough to still achieve the " adolescence with $" stage of life  .

I'm  gonna qualify this by saying :" But  then again ,Hey what the hell do i know? " 😉😉

Harvey wrote

MC2 5678F589 wrote

*But the reason that I'm engineering a midlife crisis is that I'm not sure how willing I'm going to be to put in the necessary work and grind when I get older. I'd like to relax at some point.

Confession, I didn't read the articles. If I am going to read one, which one?

First and last, if you're trying to save reading. The middle has more psychobabble.

warp daddy wrote

 Mc you do have a plan and for it seems to be working . You have the discipline to achieve that goal of retiring young enough and in shape enough to still achieve the " adolescence with $" stage of life  .

I'm  gonna qualify this by saying :" But  then again ,Hey what the hell do i know? " 😉😉

Right. Plans can always change.

I'm playing the long game (10 year plan, enacted a couple of years ago), because I'm fairly certain that I have a lot of good years ahead of me. But, like Harv says, if I get a "you only have 18 months to live" diagnosis, I'm going skiing.

MC2 5678F589 wrote

  The middle has more psychobabble.

I liked the psychobabble

I didn't get the feeling that the guy was saying there were right and wrong jobs/choices/answers, or any of that. I took out of it that's it's how we deal with those items that is what's important, and sometimes people need to seek help to get that figured out.

campgottagopee wrote

MC2 5678F589 wrote

  The middle has more psychobabble.

I liked the psychobabble

I didn't get the feeling that the guy was saying there were right and wrong jobs/choices/answers, or any of that. I took out of it that's it's how we deal with those items that is what's important, and sometimes people need to seek help to get that figured out.

The essence of the article seemed to be "these Peter Pans need to grow the fuck up and get real jobs with insurance and have families", instead of "everyone has problems, and maybe people who choose to live in the mountains aren't so different from people who live anywhere else."

Strip away the psychobabble, and it seems like just another "these damn kids need straighten up or they'll be sorry when they're older" story.

Yea, I guess to some extent. I'm just saying that's not how I took it, that's all.

You can be right --- fine with me