What to do when child rejects skiing?

Definitely sounds like typical teen girl with lots of interests who doesn't have friends who ski, so would rather be with them instead of on the slopes with younger siblings.  Pretty normal.

My teen daughter is in her third and final year at North Country School in Lake Placid.  Has more access to skiing than she ever had at home in North Carolina.  But her first year none of her friends liked skiing, or were beginners while she was advanced.  The kids who were advanced skiers were mostly boys she found annoying.  The teacher who teaches telemark talked her into giving it a try.  Had fun learning but didn't ski that much besides lesson days at Whiteface.  Last year, she had a couple friends doing tele too.  Spent a lot more time on the slopes.  Spent an entire week skiing, including the Plattekill TeleFest during the special week when the kids don't have regular classes just before spring break.  This year . . . she wants to ski as much as possible.  Having a ball at Big Sky this week with another family we have skied with at Alta in the past.

I'm a skiing mom.  Daughter wasn't all that interested in skiing with me by the time she was 11.  Would want to go in for a break after 30 min.  With a friend she would ski all day long.  Can't get her to go rock climbing with me either.

In short, having good friends who are ski buddies makes a huge difference for teens and some tweens.

Obviously we need to introduce Petronio's daughter to Snoloco.

Adk Jeff wrote

Obviously we need to introduce Petronio's daughter to Snoloco.

Aversion therapy?

I haven't run into this yet with my boys (they're a little younger though) if you don't want to outright force her, maybe try to negotiate a compromise where she goes out less frequently or for a 1/2 day. I think its worth a little heartache to keep at least one foot in the sport

Petronio wrote

She plays field hockey (varsity) and softball for the high school.

Both are not winter sports, so it shouldn't be impossible to work around.  However, many coaches don't like kids to be engaging in any other sports while out of season.

From this, it sounds like she has many interests (which is a good thing) and is getting spread thin.  If she has no friends who ski, it would be the most likely interest to go away, and instead concentrate on the other things.

I'm sort of the opposite with few interests outside of skiing.  There are many other kids at my school who like to get involved in everything.  I'm not one of them by any means.  I have very limited friends, so I really am not influenced by anyone (which could be a blessing in disguise).  Problem is that whenever I attempt to join something new, everyone already knows everyone else making me an outcast  I've pretty much given up on any new clubs and you'd have to pay me to get involved with any team sports.  In fact I'd gladly pay to avoid them.  IMO it's a huge waste of time at best and soviet style boot camp at the worst.  With my limited success with making friends in school, I've been using skiing as the solution and trying to put in as many days as possible.  I also post here way too much for the same reason.  I'd die before I gave up skiing, but I do sometimes wonder if having more interests would work out better for me.

I'm sure that any parent would much rather have a child who was well rounded with lots of friends than someone like me with almost no friends, even if it meant that they weren't very into skiing.

We'll if you're not ready to kick her out of the house, I would suggest some therapy to see what is wrong with her.

snoloco wrote

 

I'm sort of the opposite with few interests outside of skiing.  There are many other kids at my school who like to get involved in everything.  I'm not one of them by any means.  I have very limited friends, so I really am not influenced by anyone (which could be a blessing in disguise).  Problem is that whenever I attempt to join something new, everyone already knows everyone else making me an outcast  I've pretty much given up on any new clubs and you'd have to pay me to get involved with any team sports.  In fact I'd gladly pay to avoid them.  IMO it's a huge waste of time at best and soviet style boot camp at the worst.  With my limited success with making friends in school, I've been using skiing as the solution and trying to put in as many days as possible.  I also post here way too much for the same reason.  I'd die before I gave up skiing, but I do sometimes wonder if having more interests would work out better for me.
 

WOW -- just wow

Seriously, crawl out from whatever rock you're under. The world is a fun place to be in.

I don't think you are going to find a solution for this, as from what I have seem with my own 16 year old daughter and her friends, this is very common.  My daughter has grown up in the Mountain Adventure program here, is a great skier and has tons of friends at the mountain, but even so, would prefer to be back home this year.  She was actually relieved that the skiing was so bad this year, as it meant more time at home.  Not only is there a lot going on socially, but also these kids are under a lot of academic pressure.  I don't know what your neighborhood is like, but for HS juniors in our area, the focus has already turned to college prep 24/7.  We also have a freshman (boy) so we have resigned ourselves to more limited skiing for the next few years.  Our son still loves to come up every weekend, but now even he is talking about joining winter track next year, which will keep him at home many weekends.  This is our 8th year of skiing every weekend and vacation, and this point, we can't force the kids into it. Skiing is fun, but it shouldn't be a chore or obligation.  You never know - your daughter may decide to take it up again later in life. I was not an avid skier at 16 - hated being cold and having to spend my weekends with my annoying family, but somehow I ended up doing the same thing 30 years later!

St. Jerry wrote

We'll if you're not ready to kick her out of the house, I would suggest some therapy to see what is wrong with her.

Yeah, all those hours in the shrink's office seem to have done wonders for you.

Petronio

poindexter wrote

24/7

This is what I hate about high school.  They want Soviet style professionalism in everything.  If you're going to do anything, you need to be all in and commit to it all day every day.  When my dad was in school, you could be informally involved in clubs, sports, etc.  Now, you're immediately shunned from the group if you're not part of it at all times.  Want to take up a sport, you now are going to be pushed to do it year round, not just in season, which is already too much.

frk wrote

Coach, what are you saying? Lockdown? Timeout? Why not just drop her off at one of the many ny state gulags in the Adirondacks while skiing. Maybe a little time in solitary will change her mind.

Sno - you ll find your place.  And please don't take seriously the comments you get from folks on here sometimes.  One good piece of news is that when you get to college most people won't know others and you can pursue activities more broadly because there is just a much smaller percentage of people at schools in sports in a committed way.  I had fun in high school at a time when you could play three sports a year and worked relatively hard, but Imo high school is not an easy time for anyone.  

Thanks to my three sons, I was spared of having this problem. Avatar says it all.

snoloco wrote

This is what I hate about high school.  They want Soviet style professionalism in everything.  If you're going to do anything, you need to be all in and commit to it all day every day.  When my dad was in school, you could be informally involved in clubs, sports, etc.  Now, you're immediately shunned from the group if you're not part of it at all times.  Want to take up a sport, you now are going to be pushed to do it year round, not just in season, which is already too much.

I think that's just suburbia.  It's nohow like that in the stix or in the city schools.  At least where I grew up.

Seems to me like city and rural school are kind of similar.  At least 50% of the class is guaranteed to drop out or be in jail before graduation.  The rest of the students that actually go are just holding on to graduation and not taking it all too seriously.  Most likely just trying to fit in and survive.

I guess we should all feel bad for the over-privileged, sheltered white kids who go to suburban and private schools.

frk wrote

Coach, what are you saying? Lockdown? Timeout? Why not just drop her off at one of the many ny state gulags in the Adirondacks while skiing. Maybe a little time in solitary will change her mind.

No

But if a child chooses to not take part in a family activity and doesn't have a conflict with another sport, school play, school work etc you don't need to facilitate that behavior. As a parent I would look at what they are choosing to do as an alternative. You don't need to provide a car to a 16+ year old to do some alternative activity.  You don't need to give them $ to go to the mall, shopping or a movie.  You don't need to pay for them to sit at home texting all day or playing xbox if it's a boy.  

On the other hand if the kid wants to instead study, read, go work out, run, snow shoe, xc ski, skate etc etc ether alone or with friends then fine have at it.  Any thing productive sure you allow them freedom of choice.  

Do you really want to leave your rebelling teen alone while you are skiing?  Even straight a students with too much time on thier hands can find trouble.  

Coach Z wrote

Do you really want to leave your rebelling teen alone while you are skiing?  Even straight a students with too much time on thier hands can find trouble.

We make her come with us to North Creek.  She reads and studies.  My wife does not ski so they are together.

Petronio

Petronio sounds like you have this !!  Just keep on keepin on , she may eventually come around and your enthusiasm properly mosulated may ultimately re - inspire her . That happened to my daughter when she went to college and then would occasionally go with me

Damn ipad i meant MODULATED

Petronio wrote

Coach Z wrote

Do you really want to leave your rebelling teen alone while you are skiing?  Even straight a students with too much time on thier hands can find trouble.

We make her come with us to North Creek.  She reads and studies.  My wife does not ski so they are together.

Petronio

umm, so the problem is???  

Petronio wrote

St. Jerry wrote

We'll if you're not ready to kick her out of the house, I would suggest some therapy to see what is wrong with her.

Yeah, all those hours in the shrink's office seem to have done wonders for you.

Petronio

hahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahhahahahahahaha!  that's awesome!  hahahahahahahahahaaa