What to do when child rejects skiing?

After skiing for almost 10 years, my oldest (16 1/2) has decided that she does not like skiing, she does not like the cold, and has declared that she will not be joining us on the hill this winter during our weekends up at Gore.  

We've never pushed any of the kids into staying in any activities, whether sports, music, hobbies, etc. -- only exception for us not conveying/enforcing high expectations is with academics.  So I have told her that's fine, we'll make sure she has the right equipment if she ever wants to join us, but I am not going to force her to be out there.

End of last season (our first full season up at Gore), she seemed to lose interest pretty quickly (late December) and also had a school play late in the season so she needed to skip Feb and March trips up (including Easter week) for practices, and the younger two advanced past her skill level.  Not sure how that is affecting her attitude.

Anybody go through this?  Any advice?  

Petronio

Got to let kids develop their own interests.  They'll resent you if you don't.  I'm sure she'll come back at some point.

Sorry to break it to you, but this is quite normal for a 16-year-old girl. She's probably more interested in hanging out with her friends and NOT hanging out with her parents. I raised 2 daughters who were 7 years apart, and went through the same thing with each of them. I can guess how you're feeling, because I've been there. It's not your "fault" and there's really nothing you can do. The good news is that daughters eventually come back to the fold.

That said, if she finds a boyfriend who likes to ski, things can change favorably (from your perspective) quite a bit.

I think a lot of us can look back at our youth and realize we took up new things and lost interest in others quite frequently. I can speak from experience with skiing. I picked out a college specifically because it had a ski team. But I found other interested my freshman year and stopped skiing completely for two seasons. Then I rediscovered something and got myself onto the team my Junior year. At the same time, I stopped pursuing some of my musical interests. I think the important thing is that they have hobbies and interests and do productive things. As long as that happens, doesn't much matter what it is.

Teenage girls are very social and if they don't have a friend who skis they won't ski.
Nothing you can do about that. You will likely go through this with all your kids.

Maybe find a friend of hers that you know likes to ski and invite her along.  Gives your daughter someone to relate to and chit chat with.  

Petronio, sorry to hear you're going thru this.  My daughter is 13. A couple years ago there were a lot of dad and daughter ski outings, and she was a trooper in bad conditions. Like, pouring down rain on a 2.5 k loop of manmade.  Last year, not so much interest.

As others have posted here, there might be a big change if she can bring a friend along.  We did that once and it was great.  Haven't been able to do that regularly though.

I'm about this age so maybe I have some inside knowledge.

I get at least 70-80 ski days each year, but that comes at a cost of not having much of a social life in school.  I also am not able to take up any other activities during the winter.

I have a few friends who snowboard and one who does both like I can.  None of them ever get nearly as many days as I do.  Because Mountain Creek isn't open yet, I don't have any days with them and all of my days so far are with my parents and mostly my dad.  

The issue is most likely the school play she was in.  These so called "clubs" are more like having a job.  They require so much commitment that you basically need to make it your one and only activity.  If she played any sports, they would likely not allow her to ski at all in fear of an injury that would put her out of commission.  In fact I know someone who gave up skiing because her track coaches didn't want her doing any other sports.

If she finds any friends that like skiing, that will likely keep her into it.  If not, she will be done with skiing for good.  Most teenage girls and even some boys will not do any activities unless their friends do and would rather sit and do nothing if they aren't with their friends.  

When you try to force something, if typically doesn't work, so what the OP said is the best approach.

It happens to adults, too. After awhile, some people just lose interest, want to do something else or simply do nothing at all.

My Dad used to say " Every 7 years you need a new hobby ". Such is life. No crime. No foul.

I'm surprised no one has mention the most obvious solution, adoption.

Honestly I assume this to be a 50/50 shot with any kid.  Assuming you are trying to influence the outcome, I assume that the better a kid gets the more they will want to continue.  Playdates have helped us keep jazzed.

We're having lots of fun now as Neve and I are skiing Showcase at the same speed. Sorta. I'm a little faster but I rest more.  

I'll take it while I can get it.

QOTD: "Dad if they ever open some more trails, I'm never skiing Showcase again!"

Snowballs wrote

" Every 7 years you need a new hobby ". Such is life. No crime. No foul.

Some people say that about wives

Your house, your rules.  She needs to ski or she needs to leave.  Simple as that.

There are way more important things in life for you to be concerned about as a parent . Skiing should be never be forced upon anyone . If it is not fun and the kid has other legitimate interests then adapt and deal with it . You want a well adjusted youngster .Interests change and part of parenting is allowing for THEIR personal growth .

She may  return at some point if she has friends that are involved .

St. Jerry wrote

Your house, your rules.  She needs to ski or she needs to leave.  Simple as that.

That sounds like a sure way to guarantee she wouldn't ski ever again after she turns 18. Goodness knows when I was a teenager, being told "no" was a sure way to make me double down in the opposite direction...

I think it is fair to say the family is going on a trip and if she doesn't want to ski, then she can do something else while on the trip but the family is still going together.

Sorry to hear this.  As a dad it's got to be painful.

Thank god I have a boy.   Have heard this happen to many other skiing families and it always is with girls.  Hopefully she grows out of it.

 My take us you can't force it but on the other hand I would not provide any fun alternatives during that time when the rest of the family is skiing.  Ski or do homework.  No gadgets.

My kid probably won't take up racing, but you never know.  That's not all that important anyway. Said as someone who still likes to put on a number.

Bottom line, even if she does' ski with me: when I'm pushing up daisies, if she looks out the window on a January morning and goes, this looks great.  I'm gonna get my friends and we'll go skiing.  THEN I've done my job.

Coach, what are you saying? Lockdown? Timeout? Why not just drop her off at one of the many ny state gulags in the Adirondacks while skiing. Maybe a little time in solitary will change her mind.

snoloco wrote

 If she played any sports, they would likely not allow her to ski at all in fear of an injury that would put her out of commission.  In fact I know someone who gave up skiing because her track coaches didn't want her doing any other sports.

She plays field hockey (varsity) and softball for the high school.

St. Jerry wrote

Your house, your rules.  She needs to ski or she needs to leave.  Simple as that.

Sounds like a great way to ruin my relationship with her.  "The Great Santini" is not my particular role model when it comes to parenting.

Petronio

Coach Z wrote

Sorry to hear this.  As a dad it's got to be painful.

Thank god I have a boy.   Have heard this happen to many other skiing families and it always is with girls.  Hopefully she grows out of it.

 My take us you can't force it but on the other hand I would not provide any fun alternatives during that time when the rest of the family is skiing.  Ski or do homework.  No gadgets.

Actually I quite enjoy having three daughters.  What she does with her time is up to her, I am not going to make it unpleasant for her - that seems like punishing her for not sharing a personal interest of mine, which is kind of screwed up from a parenting point of view.  On the gadgets, she has above a 4.0 average and is in multiple AP classes, so my attitude is she can be on the electronics as much as she wants.

I assume she will grow out of it, or at least I hope she will by the time college rolls around.

Petronio